it's the skwarl

Thursday, July 14, 2011

One Income, No Kids

This past week I very narrowly avoided that scourge of the child-free, the incredibly dreaded "family reunion". Now please don't get me wrong, I DEARLY love my family and I enjoy those times when we get together, but inevitably something awkward happens and I get THE question.

"so, when ya'll gonna have kids?"

This is the question that absolutely tightens my sphincter more than any question on Earth other than maybe "have you gained weight" or someone alluding to the fact that my cousin Lisa has a "long -time roommate", I used to get the questions about getting married ( and then I up and got married) and then the inevitable questions regarding the issuing forth of offspring started ( at my wedding, no less), and the shit never seems to let up. So now I studiously avoid family reunions, weddings, some funerals,, house warmings and bar mitzahs. Shit, wait, we aren't Jewish. Ok, forget that last part.

Mazel Tov.

So anyway, kids have never been on the menu at our house, neither as offspring or dinner. Some people have wonderful maternal feelings and hold a child close to their loving breast, et al yadda yadda yadda whatthefuckever. I mean, I can totally understand why some people have that drive to reproduce, make little cloned copies of themselves. I get it, I really do. Did I ever want to do that? Um....No. I played with trucks, I snagged tadpoles, climbed trees. I didn't have baby dolls, and barbies... Don't get me wrong. i LIKE kids, I really do. I just never had the overwhelming desire to shoot a watermelon out of a drinking straw and be responsible for it for the next 18+ years. I can't always remember to feed the cat. Remember those high school "tote a egg around and pretend it's a baby experiments"? Yeah, I went through two dozen eggs trying to suffer through that. At the end I had scrambled eggs and sausage. The way children should be eaten.

Oh, and family...Lisa is a LESBIAN. get over it. No one has a one bedroom house and a "room mate". Wake up already.


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  2. MORE!!!!! Post more! Good read!

  3. Just found these older posts. Now I can enjoy your witty humor every time you post!!